I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
