I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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