So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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