I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
