Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
