also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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