I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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