Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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