just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
