I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
