so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
