dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
