I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
