i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
