the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
