Just cropdusted the office
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
