Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
