Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
how drunk are you?
Several
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
