he puts the penis in happiness.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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