i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
