Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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