I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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