I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
