Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
