Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
