Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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