I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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