i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
