just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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