I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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