woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
