My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
