I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
