alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
