upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
