He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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