So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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