She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
