My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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