If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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