sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
