Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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