you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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