She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
