hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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