Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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