who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
