is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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