covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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