I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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