you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
