I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
