I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
