I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize