She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
