Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize