So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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