Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize