Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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