I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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