woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
