My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
