My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
