Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
