It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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