Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
