How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need moral support for this bender
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
