Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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