I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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