STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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