The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
